Foamy says...

'Tis the season to shut the fuck up and

stop being a whiny little bitch!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ahhhhh Thanksgiving! Yes this is the wonderful time of year where we are guilted into returning home to only be subjected to the nitpicking of those who spawned us. Why do we do this? Because it is tradition damnit! Well that and it means we don’t have to cook.


So here is what I am thankful for this year:


1) christmas blend in red cups served by super cute baristas
2) free music from my best peeps
3) bonne bell liquid lip smacker, cotton candy flavor
4) msn messenger to my phone (don’t drink and txt kiddies)
5) the more cowbell girl from urban dictionary (fuck me… she is hot!)


What are you thankful for?

Lucky Monkey For You

Get me off the grass!

There was a time when I would delight in finding the $30 hotel room in the “let me hand you my wallet to save you the trouble” section of town or the discounted “please let me fly at 3AM in the middle seat next to someone with BO” airplane ticket. This time has passed. I am not sure when it happened; all I know is that it is gone. I am at the point in my life that I can’t move without the assistance of professional movers (this fact is additionally funny to me because I would love nothing more than to be able to put all of my belongings in a backpack and take off, yet I can’t seem to leave for the week without getting the excess baggage weight charge from United.) I will also pay the upgrade charge to get two more inches of legroom on a cross country flight and countless of life’s other little extravagances that I would have forgone before now.


Why is it that I bring this up?


LAWN SEATS!


Yes, lawn seats. I have, and likely will always maintain that Aerosmith is my favorite all time band. Said band was in my fair city last night. Granted my music taste has significantly shifted from this genre in recent years. This, and the fact that I have already seen them once before, THIS YEAR, prompted me to determine that the cheaper lawn seats would be sufficient. No no no… NO! How dumb could I have been? Well I paid for this lapse in judgment last night.


Observation 1….


I am not 18 anymore. I am not freshly separated from my parents and in close proximity to alcohol for the first time. Nor am I a 50 year old housewife, stoned for the first time since the Nixon administration that feels dry humping my hairy, yet shockingly bald husband (ewwww) in public is a fantastic idea. This was the lawn seat crowd, in a nutshell. I want tickets up front damnit! I want to be where I can actually see Joe Perry work absolute magic on his guitar painted with the image of his HOT wife. I would actually much rather stick strictly to small venues that are in close proximity to a full bar, but bands such as these rarely play such places anymore.


Observation 2…


When you can’t sing or remember the lyrics to your own songs… STOP TOURING! Motley Crue was the opening act, yes Motley “Girls Girls Girls” Crue. When you can’t sing or scream the words to Kickstart My Heart, you are done. Please pack up your leather pants and go home to your aging groupies.


Observation 3…


Steven Tyler and Joe Perry STILL FUCKING ROCK! Despite all of my bitching about my surroundings, I had a good time once they hit the stage. This was something that I needed after the week I had. I just have one last request… don’t let Joe sing anymore.

Why I love October...

One word… BASEBALL!


I have been a fan of the game since birth. Baseball is in me, it is in my blood. I know that makes me sound like a stark raving lunatic, and some might argue that I am just that lunatic but only someone with a similar love can know what I mean, it can’t be explained.


Last night, amongst the drunken bowling masses, I caught the last inning of NLCS Game 7. Now I am no fan of the Cards and have never claimed to be one. My allegiances have and always will lie with the Angels. But I have found myself routing for St. Louis, firstly because three of the prominent members of their starting lineup are former Angels and secondly because I know someone that is a huge fan.


When the final pitch hit the catchers glove for the series ending strike three I found my self yelling and pumping my fist, as I am known to do. I sent a quick “WS FUCK YEAH!” text message to this fan friend of mine. I got a response back almost immediately which was no surprise to me but it was the message that got me thinking. All that was sent back was “There are no words.” Hahahaha, this is funny to me. I have been there. At that exact moment and there are no words to describe that feeling.


For me it was 2002 and the Cinderella Angels went all the way. I was a complete wreck for nearly 2 months leading up to that World Series victory. My boss would joke with me that he was watching the games just to see what my mood would be like the next day. If they lost I was going to be a complete snatch to everyone and if the won I was equally difficult to be around because I was going around saying “IN YOUR FACE” hahaha Damnit, I wish I could come up with something slightly more clever than that but hey whatever. I hung on every pitch; to me it was that everything was riding on that victory. Once that final out was recorded there was just a huge release of tension and complete elation. The team that I had spent my entire life watching, loving and being completely frustrated by, had won. They took home the trophy and got their rings wrapped in millions but I took home a sense of pride. Even writing that seems retarded to me, but it is true. I felt proud, proud to be a fan, to have been part of that experience after YEARS of coming up short, sometimes REALLY short!


She was right, there are no words for the feeling you get at that moment but I know exactly what she meant by that statement. For anyone else out there that has a love for a sports team, one that has lasted a lifetime. I hope you have the opportunity to see your team win, to have that feeling that you can’t put into words.

The Way I See It #121

People tell me that I drink too much coffee. I say, how much is too much, and where would you go to reference such a mythical number. I need proof people! I will not stand for this!


Can I help it if the ever so courteous staff at my local Starbucks knows me by name? Is it my fault that they know exactly what I order? It is a very well oiled system that we have worked out that involves very little communication in that most critical point in the morning.


I was discussing this with someone tonight and they asked me to tally up how much this coffee love of mine costs me so I did. Now granted there are items on the Starbucks menu that can be pricy but I do not order such items. I am a coffee girl, regular coffee.


So... Here is what I worked out...


I visit this place of worship everyday, however lately it has been twice a day. I order a Venti mild drip coffee, which due to a recent price increase (I was not pleased) comes to $1.85. I would say that roughly 1/3 of my trips involve me camping for a bit to read the paper or something of that nature. On these trips I will get a refill of this Venti cup at $0.50 (This is where you see real savings so I say get the refill.) Using the standard 30 day month as a guide we could say that I make 60 trips to Starbucks a month, one third of which would include a second cup of coffee. This comes to 80 cups. So… 60 cups at $1.85 and 20 cups at $0.50 comes to: "HOLY FUCKING HELL I SPEND THAT MUCH!" if I am not mistaken.


Check my math.


It is coffee that makes me even remotely human in the morning. So whatever the cost I feel it is worth it... and so do my coworkers.

I CAN TOO BE CUTE!

It has been brought to my attention that I am not able to be cute. That I am a perpetual hard ass SLUT that can't take the time to be cute. So I post pictures of my future puppy. I am in LOVE with this dog. Bull Mastiffs are the sweetest breed I have ever encountered and are so sensitive and loving. BUT they get about twice the size of a lab so for now I have pictures.

Number 11 - Worship at the Church of Patron

Damn it feels good to be a gangster!

Numero Once

what... i forgot to cast?

huh... I guess it has been long enough.

New cast will post this evening.

ThaSLUT

Animal crackers to make you feel better!

I loved these when I was a kid.

Am I the only one that could not tell them apart?

When I was little and stayed home sick my grandmother would

make me grilled cheese, tomato soup and 7-Up with a bendy straw.

I think that when you are sick you need TLC,

and that was what she gave me.

Soooo, I send my TLC out to anyone who needs it today,

in the form of animal crackers!

*mmmmmuah*

Janiekins

Silly boys! Tongue twisters are for girls!

Spa Weekend

Ok girls, I am off for a short spa weekend in the desert.

Have a lovely college football Saturday and NFL Sunday!


Stay kinky kiddies!
**Janie**

Happy Birthday Girls!

To my chicas a very happy birthday!


And to all of the hookers out there who obliged my incessant nagging and complied with the super secret Operation Birthday plans, I would like to send a big THANK YOU!


You are all TOPS in my book
Janie

Math for a Friday!

Steak and a game > Snakes on a plane

I... would never turn down FREE baseball tickets! I... love to hear the crack of the bat while sipping a frosty brew. I... like yelling at the umps when they make a bad call. I... like getting into and argument with the fan next to me over impact that the DH has made on the game and how the art of the bunt is a concept that has been totally lost. I... love going to games just for the idea that ANYTHING can happen, like the time I saw someone steal home.

I... will go by myself and have a fantastic steak at The Palm and then hit the game, I love having the stadium in the middle of downtown! Honestly, who turns down free tickets.

Happy Friday Hookers!

Soooo... I told her

Ok, so if that last post was a bit vague it was because I meant it to be. I have been planning a trip up to see my Mom and was thinking of dropping the big GAY bomb on her... and I did. The post was mainly me just giving myself the kick in the ass that I needed. Well I did it.

We spent the day at a baseball game. I had a blast as I always do when I see my Angels win! We decided to go to dinner sunburn and all. After a beer or 3, by me not her, I told her. She was great, she said that all she has ever wanted for both my sister and myself was that we were happy and it didn't matter to her how that came to be. She is honestly so ok with it all. I know that conversations will follow but all will be ok, in fact with that kind of reaction I would say that all will be great.

I am so happy to have a family that is so supportive and loving of each other no matter what. I hope that everyone can find this kind of support from their loved ones.

I love you all,
Janie

ok, ok, ok, I can do this!

Wish me luck!

Number 10 - DaDaDaDetails

(Shots x Beer)/Gay Bar = Details

Numero Diez

This just in...

Guy Smiley here reporting live from Sesame Street. A new resident has moved in, her name... Abby Caddaby. A vision in pink and purple with pom-pom hair reminiscent of Red Fraggle.

How will this affect the dynamic of our community? Bert and Ernie were unavailable for comment but seemed disinterested as they walked off, towel and rubber ducky in hand. Telly was worried as usual while the Two-Headed Monster argued over where she lived, each point in a different direction.

A feud has erupted between Grover and Elmo. Grover became insanely jealous as he over heard Elmo saying "Elmo loves Abby". The two have reportedly not spoken in days.

Rosita, Zoe and Phoebe were in agreement that they felt that Abby would be a great addition to their Sunday morning breakfast group. Zoe had this to say, "She seems like a fantastic girl with a very Carrie Bradshawesque fashion sense."

In an exclusive interview with Abby herself she stated that she in enjoying her new location as well as her new friends. Her only complaint was of a large feathered fellow who shall remain unnamed. "He just kept asking me questions, I found it rather annoying... Does he always do this?"

I feel that Oscar the Grouch best summed up the addition. "We need more chicks around here. Now SCRAM!"

This is Guy Smiley signing off

My two favorite things Miller Lite and Girls!

Helloooooo the post is down here!

Nothing like a vendor shmooze...

to get free baseball tix and booze.

Look for me in the VIP suite.

Are hotdogs really made of meat?

Have no fear Janie is here,

I will drink up all that beer.

"No more rhymes now, I mean it."

"anybody want a peanut?"

**This is why I leave the rhymes to Jodi!

Brought to you by the letter K and the number 11...

Happy August!

Knick knack paddy whack give the slut a...

Grab a glass of Kool Aid, Cosmo style muffin tops, get kafackled, jump like kris kross and don't forget to pet your koala! Ohhhhhhhhh Yeah!!!!!

I am keyboardedout have a keckcellent Kelkarific tuesday!
I am the key master who will be my gatekeeper?

p.s. does anyone have kabourophobia?

I have placed my old casts out on podOmatic.

Basket Case

This says all I need to say about season 3.

Point/Counterpoint #9

Geeks, Freaks and Cons...

Numero Nueve

Waiting on Janie... AGAIN!

Ok, Ok, Ok sooo there is a new SLUT cast on the way! But I wanted to leave you with a picture until then. The guy that was making the sandcastle was sooo fuckin intense and serious about what he was doing it was hysterical! I, being me, had to fuck with him a bit and pretend to nearly walk backwards into it while taking a picture of something on the other side. Let's just say that the dude flipped his nut! If I don't fuck with uptight assholes who will, I mean honestly!

Gold Star... Priceless!

So you never know when you are gonna see something that reminds you of the Kelkians out there. So this is for all of you Gold Stars in the Kelkaverse. Chaz and I were sitting on the ferry in Sydney's Circular Quay not really paying attention to anything, just taking in the spectacular views of the city. The ferry went to launch from the dock and I glanced at the boat next to us and a small bit of signage jumped out at me. I think I whacked Chaz in the arm and said holy shit! At probably the ONLY point on that day my camera was packed away because we had just gotten on the boat. I fumbled around and managed to snap a shot with the zoom lens just as we pulled away from the dock. I couldn't have missed that shot. I mean fuck... everyone has pictures of the opera house and the bridge but THIS was a priceless shot, well at least it was for me.

Stay cool this summer Kelkians!

YourBitch,
Janie

Thank you Chaz!

I am about to get on the 16hr train from Sydney to Brisbane but I wanted to take the time to thank Chazza and her brother for allowing me to stay with them for a week. I will never forget the time that I got to spend with them. Chazza's entire family and group of friends took me in and made me part of the group with no questions asked. I felt completely at home from day one and that made traveling so great. They are the greatest group of people that you could ever meet and I am glad that I had the time to get to know them.

To Chaz...

I had so much fun hanging with you. I was ecstatic when you decided to come to hang in Sydney with me, it made the trip sooo much more fun! You, your family and friends will always have a place to stay if you come to Cali so never hesitate to ask. Now you go rock up to the hotties like Missy Elliot!

Love ya,
Janie

Point/Counterpoint #8

There is a what? In the what? Next to the WHAT?
Numero Ocho

**Word of warning... We did this cast with a headset and to get both of us we had to hold it up. The whole thing has crappy mic fiddling sounds and I am sorry but there wasn't much I could do about it under the circumstances.

I love you all heaps and I know that we did not do shoutouts but we ran really long and we will catch you all on our next casts. I will also answer the questions that were sent that we missed.

Love Miguel and Whore-Hey

New Aussie Cast...

Go...go now! GO!

*waving hands*

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

GO!

Janie's gone down...under!

We went to eat and drink it up in the city last night. I took a few pics on the walk from the train. Just a look for y'all of night time in Melbourne! This was very quickly followed by a few pints at the pub which made the view even better.

Point/Counterpoint #7

The SLUT has gone out back!
Numero Siete

Click here if the other link does not work

Point/Counterpoint #6

Janie is drunk and cursing like a MoFo!
Numero Seis

Round Three!

Play the Janie Game!
It Starts with Strap On...Go!

The Janie Game - The craze that is sweeping the Kelkian nation!

Play the Janie Game!
It Starts with Strap On...Go!

Our Panty Queen might disagree but I am flexible.
You must stay flexible!

Point/Counterpoint #5

Solo and lovin it!
Numero Cinco

JANIE IS IN THE ER RIGHT NOW... BE BACK LATER!

Here you go Bitches! A picture of me. I had to come out and show you what smoking, drinking and dating men will do to you.


And this is my pet "Mushy"

Point/Counterpoint #4

Ok it is not just my dumbass this time!
Interviews with your fav SLUT!

Point/Counterpoint #3

Sorry for the delay,
Libsyn can bite my ass!

Numero Tres

Another music mix for ya!
If you have the file named SlutTributeMix please redownload because it skips

Slut's Tribute Mix!

Bowling Night

Alright Bitches, I am here and it is bowling night!

That is right I am a frickin bowler. Bowling is an excuse to go out mid week and drink your ass off while maintaining the appearance of doing something productive and I am all for that!

I wasn't gonna post again until my next cast but you convinced me!

You can get me to anything!

Ittle Janiekins!

OK, so I just really wanna be part of the cool crowd so I will do what they are doing!

Here I am, you can almost see the devilish look in my eyes.

Point/Counterpoint #2

Here it is y'all!
Numero Dos

And as a special Memorial Day treat I have posted a music mix!

Songs To Drink To!

Hewoh Stwong Bad!

I can't sleep...so you get to share in my insomnia.

Strong Bad is one of the reasons that I am on the damn internet all the time. I find crap like this everywhere!

Hit me with your questions ladies I have a new cast coming this weekend! Is there anything you want to know?

Point/Counterpoint #1

What Up Playas!

Click Here to listen

to the first official

Point/Counterpoint podcast!

I have moved past the audiopost phase.

"I don't do phases"

PC to a point...

I am in a mood today (based on a conversation I had) because of the WAY overuse of Politically Correct terms. Now I know that they are great to a point but please... I can't be expected to call someone ethically challenged or motivationally deficient. Damit i'm gonna say dishonest and lazy. I use all of the general PC terms to try and not offend anyone and I expect that from others as well.

But will someone PLEASE sexually harass me!

OCD Tendencies

I have mentioned in a few places that I would post some of my pictures. I can get quite OCD on a new hobby and my new ones are photography (digital only) and the guitar. I am just learning both so I majorly suck at them, but I am taking lessons on the guitar. I can play Smelly Cat. That sounds impressive...I know. (unless you know how to play the guitar)

I pretty much just fuckin wing it with the camera, I don't know my f-stop from a doorstop.

Welcome

Hello Kelkians!
Click Here to listen

to me blather on incessantly about

ab-so-fucking-lutly nada!

Hola!

I really have nothing to talk about and if left to my own devices would ramble on endlessly about nothing. Very Seinfeldian of me! I am one of the most sarcastic bitches around and most of the time only I find myself funny, especially if I am drunk. Oooo I am HiLarious then ;) My motto is "Fuck'em If They Can't Take a Joke".

My Heros are: KC & Elka (Kelka)

Y'all will have to post or I will run out of things to say.