I Knew It Was Good For Something!

HI! My name is... Slim Shady!

The Greatest Music Video Ever

This song IS me!

The ones who know me know what I mean ;)

HIYO!

I don't see why I never appreciated soccer before.

I FUCKING DO NOW!

We'll Miss You Old Friend

Today an American icon hangs up his skinny ass microphone. Bob Barker is retiring after 35 years as the host of The Price is Right. Where else can you see someone nearly wet themselves over the most hideous living room furniture set of all time? That’s right, American daytime television. It was a brilliantly simple concept only rivaled by the short lived Supermarket Sweep but what it had in exotic meats and cheeses, The Price is Right has in Barker’s Beauties. These showroom models have hung on his arm and demonstrated the proper way to ride a Jet Ski throughout all of his 35 years. Bob, in his ultimate Pimp Daddy style, refers to them his “lovelies.”

Huge groups of college students, housewives, on-leave military men and anyone else who felt the need to “Come on down,” would fill the overly enthusiastic crowd in the hopes to get on the show. The luckiest of contestants not only would get to talk to “The Bob” but would get to play Plinko the greatest game ever to grace the television screen. All of this is just leading up to the money shot, spinning the giant wheel. The contestants that got closest to $1.00 would move on to the Showcase Showdown were you might win an entire room full of crap, if you guess the actual retail value of said crap.

Yes, it is a sad day but will I be home watching the last show? NO PEOPLE, I have shit to do and it is on in the middle of the day!

Much love to you Bob!
Spay and neuter your pets.

"Moooooooom!"

Suck on it Paris!

Sit ya ass back down!

A Year Old

You have put up with my shit for a year so I offer my best advice.

Live every day like Ferris!

Because this is all you are missing.

Get Better Vic!

Can you Etch-A-Sketch like this?

Awesome Aussies!

JET

HOUSE OF BLUES

FRONT ROW DEAD CENTER

FUCKIN A!

Rock On NES!

If this is bad I don't wanna be good!

Orgasmic Chocolate Biscuits

Word of the day

Film:

When it's art, you call it a film. When it's mainstream garbage, it's called a movie.

(Urban Dictionary)

No Pussy For a Week!

I got your fuckin post right here!

Foamy says...

'Tis the season to shut the fuck up and

stop being a whiny little bitch!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ahhhhh Thanksgiving! Yes this is the wonderful time of year where we are guilted into returning home to only be subjected to the nitpicking of those who spawned us. Why do we do this? Because it is tradition damnit! Well that and it means we don’t have to cook.


So here is what I am thankful for this year:


1) christmas blend in red cups served by super cute baristas
2) free music from my best peeps
3) bonne bell liquid lip smacker, cotton candy flavor
4) msn messenger to my phone (don’t drink and txt kiddies)
5) the more cowbell girl from urban dictionary (fuck me… she is hot!)


What are you thankful for?

Lucky Monkey For You

Get me off the grass!

There was a time when I would delight in finding the $30 hotel room in the “let me hand you my wallet to save you the trouble” section of town or the discounted “please let me fly at 3AM in the middle seat next to someone with BO” airplane ticket. This time has passed. I am not sure when it happened; all I know is that it is gone. I am at the point in my life that I can’t move without the assistance of professional movers (this fact is additionally funny to me because I would love nothing more than to be able to put all of my belongings in a backpack and take off, yet I can’t seem to leave for the week without getting the excess baggage weight charge from United.) I will also pay the upgrade charge to get two more inches of legroom on a cross country flight and countless of life’s other little extravagances that I would have forgone before now.


Why is it that I bring this up?


LAWN SEATS!


Yes, lawn seats. I have, and likely will always maintain that Aerosmith is my favorite all time band. Said band was in my fair city last night. Granted my music taste has significantly shifted from this genre in recent years. This, and the fact that I have already seen them once before, THIS YEAR, prompted me to determine that the cheaper lawn seats would be sufficient. No no no… NO! How dumb could I have been? Well I paid for this lapse in judgment last night.


Observation 1….


I am not 18 anymore. I am not freshly separated from my parents and in close proximity to alcohol for the first time. Nor am I a 50 year old housewife, stoned for the first time since the Nixon administration that feels dry humping my hairy, yet shockingly bald husband (ewwww) in public is a fantastic idea. This was the lawn seat crowd, in a nutshell. I want tickets up front damnit! I want to be where I can actually see Joe Perry work absolute magic on his guitar painted with the image of his HOT wife. I would actually much rather stick strictly to small venues that are in close proximity to a full bar, but bands such as these rarely play such places anymore.


Observation 2…


When you can’t sing or remember the lyrics to your own songs… STOP TOURING! Motley Crue was the opening act, yes Motley “Girls Girls Girls” Crue. When you can’t sing or scream the words to Kickstart My Heart, you are done. Please pack up your leather pants and go home to your aging groupies.


Observation 3…


Steven Tyler and Joe Perry STILL FUCKING ROCK! Despite all of my bitching about my surroundings, I had a good time once they hit the stage. This was something that I needed after the week I had. I just have one last request… don’t let Joe sing anymore.

Why I love October...

One word… BASEBALL!


I have been a fan of the game since birth. Baseball is in me, it is in my blood. I know that makes me sound like a stark raving lunatic, and some might argue that I am just that lunatic but only someone with a similar love can know what I mean, it can’t be explained.


Last night, amongst the drunken bowling masses, I caught the last inning of NLCS Game 7. Now I am no fan of the Cards and have never claimed to be one. My allegiances have and always will lie with the Angels. But I have found myself routing for St. Louis, firstly because three of the prominent members of their starting lineup are former Angels and secondly because I know someone that is a huge fan.


When the final pitch hit the catchers glove for the series ending strike three I found my self yelling and pumping my fist, as I am known to do. I sent a quick “WS FUCK YEAH!” text message to this fan friend of mine. I got a response back almost immediately which was no surprise to me but it was the message that got me thinking. All that was sent back was “There are no words.” Hahahaha, this is funny to me. I have been there. At that exact moment and there are no words to describe that feeling.


For me it was 2002 and the Cinderella Angels went all the way. I was a complete wreck for nearly 2 months leading up to that World Series victory. My boss would joke with me that he was watching the games just to see what my mood would be like the next day. If they lost I was going to be a complete snatch to everyone and if the won I was equally difficult to be around because I was going around saying “IN YOUR FACE” hahaha Damnit, I wish I could come up with something slightly more clever than that but hey whatever. I hung on every pitch; to me it was that everything was riding on that victory. Once that final out was recorded there was just a huge release of tension and complete elation. The team that I had spent my entire life watching, loving and being completely frustrated by, had won. They took home the trophy and got their rings wrapped in millions but I took home a sense of pride. Even writing that seems retarded to me, but it is true. I felt proud, proud to be a fan, to have been part of that experience after YEARS of coming up short, sometimes REALLY short!


She was right, there are no words for the feeling you get at that moment but I know exactly what she meant by that statement. For anyone else out there that has a love for a sports team, one that has lasted a lifetime. I hope you have the opportunity to see your team win, to have that feeling that you can’t put into words.

The Way I See It #121

People tell me that I drink too much coffee. I say, how much is too much, and where would you go to reference such a mythical number. I need proof people! I will not stand for this!


Can I help it if the ever so courteous staff at my local Starbucks knows me by name? Is it my fault that they know exactly what I order? It is a very well oiled system that we have worked out that involves very little communication in that most critical point in the morning.


I was discussing this with someone tonight and they asked me to tally up how much this coffee love of mine costs me so I did. Now granted there are items on the Starbucks menu that can be pricy but I do not order such items. I am a coffee girl, regular coffee.


So... Here is what I worked out...


I visit this place of worship everyday, however lately it has been twice a day. I order a Venti mild drip coffee, which due to a recent price increase (I was not pleased) comes to $1.85. I would say that roughly 1/3 of my trips involve me camping for a bit to read the paper or something of that nature. On these trips I will get a refill of this Venti cup at $0.50 (This is where you see real savings so I say get the refill.) Using the standard 30 day month as a guide we could say that I make 60 trips to Starbucks a month, one third of which would include a second cup of coffee. This comes to 80 cups. So… 60 cups at $1.85 and 20 cups at $0.50 comes to: "HOLY FUCKING HELL I SPEND THAT MUCH!" if I am not mistaken.


Check my math.


It is coffee that makes me even remotely human in the morning. So whatever the cost I feel it is worth it... and so do my coworkers.